How to Build Self-Confidence

How to Build Self-Confidence - Introvert Whisperer

Do you sometimes get a sudden burst of confidence and energy, only to be discouraged a few minutes later?


Do you convince yourself that you don’t have what it takes every time you want to learn a new skill, change a habit, meet new people or try something new? Or tell yourself that it’s still not the right time?


Yes, I know how you feel. It’s easier to just let it all go and wait for a miracle to happen that will change both you and your life.


The bad news is that this won’t happen. Sorry to be the one to burst your bubble.


The good news is that YOU can make it happen IF you truly want it. What you need to keep in mind, though, is that change is uncomfortable and that it won’t be easy.


Self-confidence is a skill that you can learn and get better at through practice.


A lot of factors can influence your level of self-confidence, but what stops you from showing it is the fear that being truly yourself will elicit social disapproval.


We are afraid of other people’s judgement.


But you know what? You are holding yourself back by letting others decide what is and what is not acceptable for you to do.


That is sad, isn’t it?


“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” Denis Waitley


Have you ever noticed how you like to gravitate towards people with charisma and self-confidence?


How you are less attracted to somebody who is really good-looking, but doesn’t have a certain je ne sais quoi about them?


Self-confidence matters more than you think.


Here’s the truth: you already have it somewhere in you, but you haven’t learned how to use that energy and use it to your advantage. You haven’t changed yet because you don’t believe enough in yourself and you fear social disapproval.


So, how are you supposed to do this?


By improving yourself, you will also boost your self-confidence:

Find your purpose. Without a strong reason or purpose, everything in life becomes difficult. If you want to raise your self-esteem, you need to have a meaningful purpose in your life. Just think about it and come up with something you want to contribute to the world.


Write down your goals and do your best. Those who write down their goals accomplish significantly more than those who don’t. You can significantly increase your self-confidence by setting and achieving your goals. If you know you’re doing your best on a daily basis, you won’t have any issues with self-esteem.


Value yourself. How much do you respect yourself? Treat yourself with more respect and you will begin to feel better about yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the more self-confident you will be.


If you don’t know your values, call your close friends and ask them what they appreciate about you the most. Make a list. This might feel weird at first, but don’t give up. Thank them and tell them what you appreciate about them in return.  


Challenge yourself. Put yourself in positions where you might get rejected. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them.


Get out of your comfort zone. An effective way of putting a stop to potentially damaging thought patterns is to interrupt the thinking with a challenge.


What is your biggest fear? Are you afraid of public speaking? Do crowds terrify you? Whatever the case may be, go ahead and do it. Face the fear. Practice until you get comfortable with it and finally overcome it.

Don’t be afraid to fail. Failure is part of the process of success.


Become aware of your actions and thoughts and your self-worth will increase a lot. People are not generally very conscious of their actions and thoughts, and each time they do things which are not according to their values, they lose a bit of their self-esteem. By raising your awareness, you become more aware of your thoughts and actions, and you start acting in accordance with your values. This ultimately leads to you feeling good about yourself.


Don’t take things personally. If someone didn’t laugh at your joke, it doesn’t mean that they think you’re a dolt. Maybe the joke just wasn’t funny.  And that’s OK. You’ve told funny jokes before. You are still charming.


Be thirsty for knowledge. Always ask. If you don’t ask, the answer will always be NO. Invest in your personal development. It’s always worth it. Learn one new thing a day. Read books while in public transport, listen to audiobooks while walking, take some self-improvement courses. Start learning by doing and practicing.


Be more of a giver, instead of a taker. Be thankful for everything you already have. You can also try building someone else’s confidence and see just how beneficial it is for both of you. Being compassionate towards other people, as well as ourselves, will infuse meaning into our interactions and help build self-esteem on both sides.


Learn to use your emotions to think, not think with your emotions. When you feel something uncomfortable, don’t run from it, just stop, and think about why you feel like this. Let it be and observe. You will find your answers. You will not find answers if you push everything under a carpet and pretend nothing’s happening. Low or super high self-esteem is directly related to our emotions.


Stop comparing yourself to others. This is destructive in so many ways and it’s pointless, because you are unique. You are not them. Most of the time, we compare our failure to someone else’s success, but you need to keep in mind that this is not real. Compare yourself to who you were, who you are now, and who you want to become.
Believe in yourself. Accept your personal weaknesses and imperfections as a part of you. You need to love yourself. Nobody is perfect. Don’t worry about what other people think. You only get one life. Don’t waste it trying to please other people.


Eventually, you will develop your inner confidence. This means that, no matter the situations you find yourself in (being rejected, failing at something, being fired from your job etc), your inner balance will remain untouched and you’ll come back stronger.



Janja is a passionate Growth Hacker at KickAss Growth with an M.A. in Multimedia Communications and Public Relations. Her fields of expertise range from Marketing&Communication to Sales and she likes to provide value.

You can tweet Janja @JanjaJovanovic or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Brought to you by Dorothy Tannahill-Moran – dedicated to unleashing your professional potential. Introvert Whisperer

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